6 Weeks

This was a hard week for us, my baby. You were downright miserable. You cried and you cried and you cried. I had myself convinced that you were going through a growth spurt, the dreaded six week spurt, but after your Mimi was over with your Auntie Kris to bake cookies, she convinced me that I needed to call your doctor. You were refusing to sleep during the day for any naps and when you were awake you seemed miserable. So I called and Dr. Judge thinks that you may have acid reflux. We started you on Zantac just yesterday and I feel like I can see a slight improvement. I also am working on getting you calm and ready for bed earlier at night. We tried something new and took a bath together and you loved it! You loved the water and Mama moving you around in it, almost as though you were swimming. It was so cute to see you so happy and carefree.

Naked little boy....this was one my many attempts to get you to calm down. It worked!

Cuddles....our favorite activity of all.

Christmas is next week and I cannot wait for all the excitement! I know that you will not understand what will be going on at all, but Daddy and I will be sure to take lots and lots of video and pictures. I can just imagine how spoiled and loved on you will be! We took you to see Santa for the first time this past weekend. It was an entire family affair - Mama, Daddy, Papa, Mimi, Uncle Matt, Auntie Kris, Auntie Mackenzie and Auntie Michaela. Sweet boy, you have no idea how much you are loved by this family.

Here you are with Santa!

Family picture in front of your Christmas tree.

Even despite your crankiness and possible acid reflux, you still are smiling more and more. You have even started cooing and 'talking.' It is near enough to make my heart literally melt.

Smiles! (Nice, Santa...take note!)

 You have completely outgrown all of your newborn clothes and are getting to be such a big boy! I can see you having the type of body that your Daddy does - tall and lean. You are developing quite the double chin, but other than that, you don't have too many rolls yet! You are so tall though.

Even though we have had a rough week, not a moment goes by that I do not thank God for you in our lives. I just hope that this medicine will do the trick for you. Nothing hurts your Mama's heart more than seeing you miserable.

No caption needed.

Godspeed and sweet dreams, little man.

Hello again.

We have a baby boy. Owen Samuel Greene and has he stolen our breath and taken over our world. HAS HE EVER. Six weeks ago this Friday, our little man came into the world on his own accord and life since then has been a blissful, exhausting, better-than-I-ever-could-have-imagined-but-harder-than-anyone-ever-tells-you whirlwind.

I have thought of this blog every single day since then. I have thought of this blog for months. I have neglected it and neglected my commitment to document for our little man and for myself the journey that we took to get here. 

Every week during my pregnancy I thought, "I need to go update that blog." And I didn't. And every week since you have been here I have thought, "I need to go write down what happened this week so I don't forget." And I didn't. I meant to. Maybe I should have. But well, I just didn't. 

That is the thing about life. We have so many good intentions. I know I do. But then what happens? Life. Yeah, life happens. I have always striven for perfection. The thing about perfection though...you always, every single time, fall short. Perfection is impossible. It is cruel. Unnecessary. Maybe that is one of the great lessons that you, my sweet boy, will teach me. That perfection, it is not only impossible, it is not something to strive for. I so terribly want to be a good mom. I want to be a good wife, daughter, sister, friend, keep a clean house, and do all the things that I have dreamed up in my head that will, in my mind, make our life better, more memorable, easier, more beautiful, and the list goes on and on. But in doing so, in trying to make things perfect, I miss out on real life. The baby coos, the smiles, the snuggles, the look in your eyes that makes my heart feel like it will literally melt. And those things, I am not willing to pass up. So yes, I may have good intentions every day to get things done or to write in the blog so that you can look back one day and see how much I loved you. Recount all the memories that you will not remember. But instead, I choose to lay on the couch and stare into your closed little eyes for what feels like an immeasurable amount of time. Because before I know it, time will be passing us by and you will be too old to let your sweet mama stare into your eyes. 

I have wished away time for so many years. I had so desperately wanted a baby that I just wanted time to go by as fast as it could. And now, that you are here, I wish I could freeze it. Make it stop. Since I obviously cannot, all I can do is take it all in as slowly and fully as I possibly can. So if I forget to post a weekly update or miss out on writing you a letter, just know that it is not because I simply did not want to. It was because I was busy living. We were busy living. I was busy being your mama and loving you. I was busy soaking in everything that I have prayed so long and so hard for.

Baby boy....as I sat in bed with you tonight after your (what felt like) millionth feeding and held you while you smiled in your sleep, I began to weep. Not tears of sadness or longing, like I used to for so many years. Tears of utter joy. You are such a miracle. The joy in my heart, the feelings of true thankfulness that I have in my heart for you and how amazing you are - words do not even do that justice. Perfect or not, I know I can offer you this. Love. I love you in a way that I never knew I had the capacity to. You, my sweet, sweet baby, have brought life back to me. 

And tonight, your exhausted mama held you in her arms, stared at your beautifully perfect face and rocked you until your tired self finally fell asleep. And I let it all soak in. 

My cup runneth over. Dear God, my cup runneth over.

One Month Milestone

This is another retroactive post, so I am going to do my best to remember what I can. During your first month you accomplished many many things. You started sleeping through the night. And let me tell you, that is every parents dream. DREAM. You deliberately smiled at Mama and Daddy for the first time. And I cried. Tears of sheer joy and utter awe. Lastly, you started, just toward the end of your first month, cooing. It is a sound unlike any I have ever heard in all my life. I mean I have heard babies coo before, but none so sweetly and intentionally as you (okay, I may be biased!). 

You had your one month appointment with Dr. Judge as well. You weighed in at a whopping 10 pounds and 12 ounces and measured in at 23 1/2 inches long. You were in the 90th percentile for height and the 80th percentile for weight. Dr. Judge said you were "perfect" (her words, not mine...even though I of course know you are perfect). She was amazed at your smiles, coos, attentive and alert nature and your stellar head control. I felt like one proud Mama.

Mama and Mimi also already tried to break you in as a professional shopper. We took you out on some shopping excursions, lunches and of course Target runs. Seeing as flu season had just started, we didn't take you out too much, but once a week didn't seem like it was going to harm you!

We started a monthly photo session in your room, on your glider with your puppy stuffed animal. I will admit that I may have gone overboard with the amount of photos that I took, but I wanted to be able to capture the moment and will be able to share a few favorites (and maybe some bloopers) below.

And it wouldn't be a monthly recap without some special moments with the people who love you, oh so much.

Papa and Mimi

Auntie Kris and Uncle Matt

Auntie Kenzie

Auntie Michaela

Grandpa Greene

Mama, Daddy, You, Parker and Tucker

Your Daddy loves you so so so much!

Uncle Mike

Uncle Dave

Looking back: Weeks 2-5

This is a look-back on weeks two through five. Do I remember much about those weeks? Nope. But do I remember some things about those weeks. Absolutely. I remember this: 

Bliss.

Love.

Exhaustion.

Love. 

Bliss.

Exhaustion.

Since we didn't get to bring you home until you were six days old, our lives started with you almost into your second week. I have never been so thankful to be home. (More to come on your homecoming, hospital stay and birth soon!)

We worked so hard to get our feet on the ground just like any Mama and Daddy would. You were a sweet baby and had lots of people coming and going visiting and seeing you. We celebrated Thanksgiving. And boy, were we thankful.

And we slept. We all did. Whenever we could. 

What will I always remember most from those first weeks at home? Bliss, love and exhaustion.

Someone's Mama

Driving in the car on my way to work today something hit me. It may seem weird that it took almost 27 weeks for me to come to this realization, but even so, it hit me like a freight train in a way that I just simply was not expecting.

I am going to be someone's mama.

The thought took my breath away, knocked me on my ass (metaphorically speaking) and made me cry all at once.

I am going to be that person for some little boy in three months. I will be the person that wipes away his tears, he runs to when he hurts and the one who he calls when he is thirty years old for advice. I am going to be that woman. 

The thought simply brings me to my knees.

99 Days Until We Meet You: Letter to My Little Man

Little Man,

Today marks 99 days until your estimated due date. This means that in about three months you will be making your grand entrance into this world and into our lives. Do you have any idea how much you are already loved? Do you know how anticipated your arrival is - not only by Daddy and I, but by so many other people who love you so much already?

Both Daddy and I have been working in your nursery - painting, putting together your furniture, organizing your closet, buying you odds and ends that I can only hope you will one day play with or find special. I go into there many times a day and just look at it. I'm not looking at the paint, or the furniture, or the lack of things on the walls (for now!), but I am just imagining you in there. I imagine what you will look like laying in your crib when I come wake you up on a sunny morning or what you will look like in a couple years from now playing on the floor with trucks, or cars, or dinosaurs, or whatever it is that is holding your interest at that time.

I wish I could put into words the kind of love that I have for you already. My heart is so full every single day of love for you. I love you in a way that I never knew was possible. I can only imagine what that love will be like when I see you for the first time, touch your precious face for the first time, or see your Daddy cradle you in his arms for the first time. Just thinking about those things brings me to my knees.

I have no idea what you are going to look like - whose nose you may have, what color eyes you will end up with, or if you will have your Daddy's cow lick or Mommy's wavy hair. I have no idea what kind of person you will end up being or what you will like to do, or not like to do. What I do know is that you will grow up to be a boy, and someday a man of honor and integrity, because we will teach you these things. Whether you become a doctor (like your Grandpa) or a businessman (like your Papa) or a rock climber or a scientist, I know without a shadow of a doubt that you will be a kind, thoughtful and loving person. You will know these truths because you will know how and why you came to be. Because it was God's plan.

Daddy and I have waited so long for you to get here. We have hoped and prayed and wished for you for many years. The thought that in three months you will be in our arms, simply brings me to tears. Some days I feel like I cannot wait another moment to see you - for you to be here, safe in our house teaching us things that we never knew we could learn. But most days, I can. Three months is not long at all. In that amount of time, the season will change from summer to fall and Daddy and I have plenty of projects and 'to do' lists to finish. We will keep getting your room ready, start and finish a baby book or two, maybe pick you out a name and try to make lots of memories with the three of us - with you in my tummy. I love having you safe in there, wiggling around, all the time, and keeping you all to myself.

Baby boy, this is a crazy, wonderful world that we live in. You will soon get to know what it is like to touch your puppies fur, run in the grass and giggle at things for the first time. Until then, keep growing and doing your thing in there. While Daddy and I cannot wait to meet you, we can. Well, for three more months that is.

Sweet dreams and Godspeed, Little Man.

Love,
Mama 

(written on July 27, 2013 and published on December 18, 2013)

16 Weeks: Avocado

So I didn't say anything last week, but I thought I had felt the beginnings of movement. I kept talking myself down from it, convinced it was just gas. Which, it very well may have been. But, unless my digestive system has taken a turn for the worst, this baby is doing a good job of letting mama know that he/she is in there. It is in no way consistent and it only happens for a few seconds and then quickly disappears, but I'm almost positive that this is what I'm feeling. At first it felt like bubbles, but more recently it has been feeling like butterflies or flipping fish. It is something that you absolutely cannot put into words. It is to amazing to even describe. 

According to Pregnant Chicken, baby is the size of a grenade! I love the analogies that they use!

Disclaimer: I swear I know how to spell. Please forgive the misspelling of 'avocado.' This was our second photo take after Dan took about 10 pictures. I looked through them all and realized that I had put '17 Weeks' instead of 16. They are not kidding that this pregnancy brain really exists!

This is my view from the top. If this bump is any indicator of the size of the baby inside of it, we may have a big one on our hands!!!!

How far along? 16 weeks

How big is baby? Pumpkin is the size of a avocado - about 4.6 inches and weighs about 3.5 ounces. Baby is most likely listening to mommy's voice as tiny bones continue to form in his/her ears. Pumpkin is growing eyelashes, eyebrows and more hair. Taste buds are also forming this week. 

Any appointments or updates this week? Nothing again this week. Still anxiously waiting for our A/S scan on the 4th. 

Symptoms/body changes? I did not want to admit this, but, yeah, my morning sickness is back. I still have an appetite fit for an elephant, but mornings and more so evenings are filled with nausea and gagging back puke. I also think something adding to this is the recent onset of heartburn that I have been feeling. Again, all par for the course. 

Food cravings/aversions? Um, what doesn't sound good? I was watching TV sometime this week and every single commercial for food sounded divine. Even strange things that would NEVER sound good. At least the pickiness has subsided. I still have not been able to cook much at all, so my poor husband has been fending for himself and running to just about every take-out place for me within 15 minutes of the house. He really is a good man. 

  

Odds and Ends? Eh, nothing much. As I said earlier, feeling teeny tiny movements from pumpkin is the most amazing thing I have experienced so far this entire pregnancy. I cannot wait for Dan to be able to feel baby himself, even though he jokingly swears he was able to feel baby move around week 9. I keep telling him, "Honey, baby was the size of an olive then. Trust me, you did not feel movement." He loves to kid me and give me a hard time. 

There have been so many times in the past few weeks when reality has really set in. We (God-willing, and I'll be damned if we don't) will be bringing a baby home in five short months. Our family will no longer be Dan, myself and the dogs. There will be three of us. This morning we were driving to pick up breakfast spontaneously and I said to Dan, "pretty soon this will be no longer." There is so much excitement and anticipation in that prospect, but at the same time it has been the two of us for so long. I love being pregnant and cannot wait until this baby is in my arms. Until then, I am enjoying every single minute of just Dan and I. After all, we are the beginning of this amazing story.