Hello world!!!

Welcome to Imperfectly Perfect!! This is a blog that I started last July to have a place to come to document my feelings, experiences and journey along the way. This blog has mostly dealt with our trials as they pertain to infertility and miscarriage, but we are so excited to say that ----

WE ARE EXPECTING!!! I am 13 weeks and 1 day pregnant!!!!

This has been a long and hilly road for Dan and I, but we are ever so blessed to be here announcing to the world that we will be expecting Baby Greene right around Halloween!!!

They had no idea what they were posing for, and quite frankly, all they wanted were the treats I was frantically waving over my head. Note Tucker's confusion (he is on the right).

I have been blogging about this journey since we got a a positive pregnancy test, so feel free to go back and read all about it - or don't - and we invite you to come along with us on this ride. 

A piece of my heart still stays with all of my friends and any of those who I do not know who are still on their journey to finding their rainbow. As we all know, there are no guarantees in this life, but I can promise you that no matter what, you will always have a friend and confidant in me. I would never be who I am today without all of the heartache we have experienced along the way and everything I have learned from each of you. I wouldn't take it all back for anything and it is my fervent prayer that each and every one of you will be here in my shoes one day soon. Until then, know how much I love you and that I am always here for you.

One of the most astounding things to me in the past couple of weeks is the realization of how much this baby has been prayed for and anticipated. We have been blessed to share the news with close family, friends and those who have been there with us along the way through all the heartache, over the past couple of weeks. The pure joy, excitement and elation that you have all expressed for us brings me to my knees. This baby would not be possible without all of you, and I will be sure that one day he or she knows exactly that. There is no doubt in my mind how much this baby is already loved, anticipated and welcomed. I cannot wait to share this journey with each and every one of you.  

13 Weeks: Godparenthood

This week's bump photo is different than all the rest. No chalkboard and no yellow wall. We were out of town for the weekend for our goddaughter, Claire's baptism. It was so wonderful to get away for an evening and spend some time with family and celebrate this beautiful baby girl. Dan and I couldn't be more honored to be chosen to be godparents to such a smiley, loving little girl. 

Nothing much is new in pregnancy-land. This past week was spent sharing our exciting news with family, friends and co-workers in person and over the phone. Doing so was both exhilarating and terrifying for me. 

One of the OB's said something to me this week that really stuck with me. She was reassuring me (yet again) and told me that although this baby looks "too perfect" and she really thinks at this point I have nothing to worry about, she will never be able to take away the fear and uncertainty that our past experiences bring. I feel so blessed to have an OB practice that truly understands the PGAL mentality, and is willing to do whatever they reasonably can to make this pregnancy as enjoyable and stress free as possible for me. 

My 'bump' continues to get harder and rounder by the day and is now noticeable to even strangers. I have gotten a couple 'congratulations' from people at the mall and while out to eat. The whole experience is so surreal to me. I feel so blessed to be able to know what a blessing this baby is for Dan and I. I just cannot stop smiling.

This picture doesn't really do justice to my round little bump. But I loved the stone in the background and wanted this as a reminder of Claire's big day.

How far along? 13 weeks

How big is baby? Pumpkin is the size of a peach - about 3 inches and weighs almost 1 ounce. Baby's tooth sockets are forming, as are her vocal chords and hair follicles. Baby now even has a distinct fingerprint. Peach week is one that I have been looking very forward to. I feel like that peach is so sustainable and solid. Even Dan said yesterday, "Man, a peach is big. That baby is growing like crazy."

Any appointments or updates this week? We have another OB appointment on Thursday. Nothing special, but I am looking forward to seeing my OB. I want to get the official number results from the N/T scan and chat about some questions I have. If I haven't said it before, I will say it again. I love Dr. D. She is the best. This will be my first OB or RE appointment that Dan will not be able to come for. Personally, it is a big step for me to not have him there with me. It is a simple thing that reminds me how much more confident I am becoming in this pregnancy as a whole.

Symptoms/body changes? Nothing new at this point. Sleeping is getting somewhat uncomfortable and seeing as I'm tired 24/7 it makes for some interesting days. Lets just say, I'm not as pleasant as I should be. My crabbiness has absolutely gotten the best of me at times. Poor Dan.

Food cravings/aversions? Candy. Twizzlers. Sour patch kids. Hot tamales. Gummy bears. Lifesavers. 

  

Odds and Ends? Nothing really at all right now. I am hoping to make an announcement here on Facebook sometime tonight or early this week. This of course has me quite anxious, but I keep telling myself that this is normal - as do all of my dear PGAL friends. As soon as I can get this blog updated and presentable, I have a darling photo to share with the world. 

The world. Pretty soon, my sweet pumpkin, everyone will know our excitement and anticipation for your arrival. I couldn't be more humbled and amazed. 

I Can't Stop Staring

We had our N/T scan today. All I can say is that it went fabulously. Perfectly. Flawlessly.

That being said, we had an interesting experience at the hospital. We of course were running late (we are never on time for anything - ever) and as I walked up to the ultrasound desk to hand the receptionist my doctor's order, the fire alarms started going off. Following that was a voice on the loud speaker that stated, "An emergency has been reported in the building. This is not a test. Evacuate immediately." Great. Just great.

After about fifteen minutes of waiting outside, we were finally allowed back inside. I never did find out what the issue was, quite honestly I didn't really care.

Our tech for the ultrasound was amazing. She was sweet and asked all sorts of details about my past pregnancies. Right away we got to see baby's heartbeat (which I knew would be there as I had snuck in a doppler session right before we had left) and baby squirming around. I made sure to heed my friends' advice and drink a large glass of OJ a little before we got there. I wanted to be sure that we got to see baby show us his/her moves.

And did we ever see some moves. Baby squirmed and wiggled, and waved his/her arms and kicked his/her legs. We were able to see the teeny hands and fingers in such great detail and the teensy toes. I saw the baby's spine, stomach, bladder, facial profile, everything that there was to see for 12 weeks. And, much to my surprise, pumpkin was measuring 3 days ahead at 12w4d!! Little overachiever.

After about 20 minutes of the ultrasound, the tech told me that I needed to get up and walk and bounce around. We needed baby to move into a different position to get all the measurements we needed. I walked and bounced and poked my tummy and told that little one to get into position. 

Five minutes later, the tech said that baby was in the right position, but she still couldn't get what she needed. Before she ended the ultrasound, she gave us some time to look at baby in 4D real time. Oh, my, goodness. I fell even more in love. 

She told us that we would need to come back in a week and see if baby would cooperate. So, I got dressed and was getting ready to leave when a doctor walked into the room. She told us she wanted to see if she could get what we needed to save us an extra trip. Five minutes later, we had all the measurements we needed, and reassurance right there from the reading physician that the measurements looked "great." Cue, a huge sigh of relief and tears in my eyes. 

I will never forget the look on Dan's face as we walked out of that room and back to the car. Utter joy. Disbelief. Total goofy happiness. That moment will forever remain etched in my heart.

One of the pictures we got of the little one is a great 3D picture. And no, I cannot stop staring at it. My heart honestly skips a beat every time I look at it. That is our baby. Our rainbow. Thank you, God.

And, without further ado, here is our little cutie pie at 12w4d!!

Cutest thing ever, right? Okay, maybe I'm a little biased. Just admit it. Cutest, ever.

12 Weeks: Plum

Twelve weeks?!?! This is a huge week for me as it is the final full week of the first trimester and I have looked forward to this milestone for a very long time. Each week that goes by reminds me how truly blessed we are. 

For the first time this entire pregnancy I am feeling more confident to wear more form fitting clothes. This bump isn't going to be able to be hidden for much longer!

How far along? 12 weeks

How big is baby? Pumpkin is the size of a plum - about 2.1 inches and weighs .49 ounces. Baby's arms and legs continue to lengthen and muscle control is developing. This means that baby is making more and more movements with his/her arms and legs. 

Any appointments or updates this week? We have our N/T scan tomorrow. The N/T scan, also known as the nuchal translucency screen is used to help assess the risk of the baby developing Down's syndrome and other chromosomal issues. This is done by taking a few simple measurements during an in-depth ultrasound and combining those results with some blood work results. I am really looking forward to this ultrasound, surprisingly. I want so desperately for it to go well. God willing it does, I will be able to breathe such a huge sigh of relief. I cannot wait to see our little one in so much detail. 

Symptoms/body changes? I thought I was tired before. Um, no. And I know there will come a time when I will look back and laugh uncontrollably at myself, but for now, I am exhausted. By 4pm, I am done for the night. I am still battling some on and off nausea and food aversions, but nothing I can't handle. The other OB we saw this week told me that she has hopes that once I go off of my progesterone suppositories in a week and a half, she thinks the remaining nausea will subside. The only other annoyance has been headaches. Every day, for the past week, around 2pm, without fail, a debilitating headache sets in. Sometimes I can nip it in the bud, by drinking a Pepsi, or chugging lots of water, but sometimes nothing works. Headaches are something I am used to, as I used to get them all the time even when I wasn't pregnant. Again, totally tolerable. 

My bump, well, lets just say, people have started asking. It is almost embarrassing to me, because frankly, I am not that far along to be showing as much as I am. But, whatever. My closest pregnant friends keep telling me to own it. I'm working on it, I promise!!

Food cravings/aversions? This is just downright weird. For those who know me - really know me - they know I love me some fast food. And burgers, and fries, and chicken wings, and well, anything not good for you. But lately, I've been having a 'hankering' (because I can't quite call it a 'craving') for fruits and veggies. I haven't eaten so much salad in all my life and the fact that I want cucumbers to snack on instead of potato chips is downright foreign to me. Oh well, I'll take it. 

  

Odds and Ends? Dan and I got to have an appointment with my hematologist this week. He wanted to see me in the office to just talk about lab values, my Lovenox plans and just to check in. If I ever know of anyone in the Cleveland area who needs a hematologist/oncologist, Dr. Lichtin, he is your guy. We love him to death and quite frankly, I think he is the smartest person I know. He told us my numbers looked great and I can go down to monthly blood draws. We also talked about vaginal delivery v. cesarean and while he didn't get into much detail he did mention that there was the possibility that I may need a c-section. Honestly, I don't really care either way, and I will leave that up to him and the amazing Dr. D.

We also were able to share our exciting news with my grandma this evening. She was at my parents for dinner and was elated to say the least. As she is the last of my living grandparents, it was a special moment to share with her. I can only imagine that my other grandma and grandpas are looking down on us with excitement. I also plan on telling the rest of my extended family this week: aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. While this still scares me in so many ways, I know it is a natural step to take. I cannot wait to share this baby with those who have prayed and dreamed about its arrival for such a long time.

199 Days Until We Meet You

I have a few pregnancy apps on my phone and websites that I visit on a regular basis. One of the things that each of them have are countdown tickers, reminding you how many days left until baby arrives. Well, today, they said, "199 days until you meet baby." While, yes, 199 days still seems like eons away - and probably sounds like it - it was a big deal for me today to see a number under 200. In less than 200 days (or about), we will be meeting our baby.

As someone who has dreamt of motherhood for my entire life, and who has also yearned and worked for it over the past two years - 199 days seems like nothing. I'm fully aware that it will be here before we know it.

I was driving in the car today thinking about Dan and I as a couple and all of a sudden I really realized something. I have known this, but it never really struck me in such a palpable way. Our lives are about to change for forever. Forever. Once that baby enters into this world and cries their first little wail - my heart - Dan's heart - will forever be different. Will we will be parents. And while I cannot wait until November 3rd, I want to enjoy every single little moment. This pregnancy is such a blessing and as much as I want that baby here, right now - safe and healthy in my arms, I can wait. I want to revel in all of these firsts that we are experiencing and take the time to make note of them. I want to be able to look back at this pregnancy and think about all the dreaming, planning and loving we did to get ready to meet this little one.

So to my little pumpkin, mommy and daddy cannot wait to meet you. Not a moment goes by that I don't dream about who you will be and what you will look like, but I am going to take this time to enjoy this first step - enjoy keeping you all to myself in my belly. 199 days from now will be here in the blink of an eye, but first I absolutely cannot wait to enjoy every single one of them.

This World in Which we Live...

As I sat at home today, watching the breaking news of the Boston Marathon bombing, I got an all too familiar feeling in my gut. The kind that comes with news like this. The kind that I have felt far too many times during my 28 years in this world. A feeling conjured up by gruesome images, scary video footage and first hand accounts of acts of inhumanity, such as today's. Tragedy in any form breaks my heart. It reminds us all too often how fragile life is and how scary this world has become.

Each generation of Americans have witnessed their own version of tragedy, but I cannot help but wonder what has changed in the past ten or fifteen years. We live in a world where no place is safe any longer. Not a marathon, a day on the job, a night out at the local movie theater, a day at school, or a visit to the local iHop or Cracker Barrel. It is hard to make sense of all of of these senseless acts of violence, let alone feel confident in moving forward, day in and day out, untainted.

This event, hit a little closer to home for me than others. Five years ago, my family and I took a trip to Boston, to watch my dad run in the elite Boston Marathon. It was an experience I will never forget. It was filled with joy, camaraderie, pride for my dad and the vision of a city so proud of who they are. The feeling I had today of, "that could have been us," is unsettling and downright terrifying.

The innocent runners, field workers, police officers and spectators lives were forever changed in a blink of an eye. I know the fear I feel when going into public places at times from the shock of news such as this. However, I have only ever been a viewer of the news on the other side of a television screen. I have never witnessed any of this tragedy first hand. I cannot begin to imagine the life-altering ways that these individuals will be changed for the rest of their lives. I pray for the families and loved ones of those that were injured or fatally wounded today. No amount of understanding can ever help make sense of this type of tragedy.

Ironically enough, on my way home from Boston, five years prior, my brother and I ended up stranded in Washington, D.C. after our flight from Boston arrived late. We were two college kids, in an unfamiliar city, with a closing airport and no hotels available within an hour of the airport. Long story short, we ended up stranded in D.C.. The two of us, along with a man in his thirties and another man in his twenties, connected, as we were all in the same boat. We were all on our way home from Boston, trying to get to Columbus, stuck in D.C.  Looking back, I cannot even believe that we did this, but we got a taxi, the four of us, and went out to a Ruby Tuesday somewhere in the city to get dinner, before we turned in for the night on one of the airport chairs. As we sat at dinner with these strangers, the man in his thirties, recounted his experience on 9/11. He told us that as he and his pregnant wife at the time sat together watching the towers fall, he asked himself what was he doing bringing a child into this world. He said that the amount of terror and uncertainty that he felt on that day, knowing that he was about to bring an innocent life into this world, was heart-breaking and all around terrifying for him. I will never forget the look on his face as he recounted that experience. The look of fear and concern that he still felt, almost seven years later, was absolutely palpable.

Today, as I watched the news footage, I felt like that man. With my baby in my belly, I wondered out loud, "what kind of world is this for a child to live in?" It is my feeling, that as a parent, it is your duty to protect your children. You go to whatever lengths necessary to ensure that they are safe and protected. It is your mission to give them the best life possible. But I cannot help but wonder, how is that possible in today's world? In the world where sending your child to school evokes fear in even the most lackadaisical parent, how can I feel good about letting go? How can I show my child the world, where going to an internationally renowned marathon as a spectator is not even safe to do? How do you protect your child from these monstrosities? Even more frightening to me, is how do you explain something like today's tragedy to a child? If I cannot even make sense of this senseless violence as an adult, how will I be able to guide my child in making sense of it all?

I do not have the answers, and tonight am left with more uncertainty and concern than yesterday. But, this is what I do know. I do know that a midst all of this hate and violence, there is still love. There are helpers; brave souls, who rushed to help total strangers in their time of need. Bystanders and spectators, who could have easily run for cover, who instead put their well-being second to strangers. This world is a scary, scary place, but it is also beautiful. Some may call it being naive, but I believe that love will always win over hate. Love, kindness, sacrifice, tenderheartedness - those are the things of this world that I cannot wait to show and teach my child about.

11 Weeks: Lime

Lime week!! Think about holding a lime in your hand. There is substance to a lime. The idea of this baby growing bigger and stronger every day makes my heart skip a beat every time I think of it.

How far along? 11 weeks

How big is baby? Pumpkin is the size of a lime - about 1.6 inches and weighs .29 ounces. Baby is wiggling and moving fluidly now. Pumpkin's fingers and toes are no longer webbed!

Any appointments or updates this week? We have another follow-up appointment with the OB on Thursday. I am feeling awfully spoiled by all the appointments and ultrasounds we are getting - and I love it. I am feeling good about the appointment because I am now getting to be a pro at using the doppler. Knowing baby's heart is pumping strong keeps me reassured and feeling so great.

Symptoms/body changes? Moodiness. Crankiness. Irritability. All I can say is my poor, poor husband. He should honestly win an award. 

Food cravings/aversions? Not too much. My appetite continues to return and things like watermelon sound divine. Anything juicy and refreshing is what my tastebuds are calling for!

  

Odds and Ends? Nothing much. I am loving using the doppler to hear baby's heartbeat on a daily basis. I have been doing it in the evenings - I can seem to find the heartbeat pretty quickly around this certain time of the night. 

Music to Mama's Ears

One of the millions of things I was looking forward to with this pregnancy was being able to find the baby's heartbeat with a handheld doppler. My sweet, sweet friend, Amanda, who is also a PGAL mama sent me her doppler in the mail this week. I was ecstatic to try it out.

After watching a few You Tube videos on how to use this thing and having Amanda talk me through it, I was able to find baby's very distinct heartbeat in about 15 minutes. It is a sound unlike any I have ever or will ever hear. 

Knowing that pumpkin is in my belly - heart beating away - is the most reassuring feeling ever. I want to bottle this sound up and keep it forever. For now, a recording on my iPhone will have to do. 

When Amanda sent the doppler to me, she also sent me a card that said, "This will be your favorite song." Was she ever right - music to my ears.

10 Weeks: Fetushood

Pumpkin has now entered into 'fetushood'!!!!! He/she is no longer an embryo, but has developed enough to be deemed a fetus. This is a big milestone, one of which I never thought I would ever see. This whole process just never ceases to amaze me. I cannot wait to see what is yet to come.

That bump is getting pretty legit. It is getting harder and lower and I love it.

How far along? 10 weeks

How big is baby? Pumpkin is the size of a prune - about 1.2 inches and weighs about .14 ounces. Pumpkin is now swallowing and kicking up a storm in there. Fingernails start to form this week, as do teeny sprouts of hair. All of baby's vital organs are in place and are starting to function. 

Any appointments or updates this week? Nothing this week. 

Symptoms/body changes? Nothing too new. My appetite is still slowly returning, which I am obviously so happy about. I feel way more tired than I did before, but nothing worth complaining about.

Food cravings/aversions? Chinese. I think we've ordered takeout two or three times just in the past week. I think the rice settles my stomach and fills it up all at the same time. Baby seems to tolerate it well!

  

Odds and Ends? Nada.

Things around here have gotten pretty boring. As I see it, boring is good. It is great. I am loving life and sleeping a lot. Now, off to sleep.

A Big Step Forward

Today was our first appointment with Dr. D. It was surreal. In some ways, I was treated just like a regular OB patient. The staff congratulated me. I got to ask questions about my pregnancy that I had been too terrified to ask before. I got sent home with a bag full of pregnancy magazines, handouts and brochures. The things that so many women take for granted during their first appointment at the OB office, I reveled in. For I know how precious and special each of these steps are.

Dr. D is amazing. Amazing. She has been in practice for over 30 years and knows her stuff. She spent almost an entire hour with Dan and I explaining things, answering questions, reassuring our fears - I guess there are some perks to not being a 'regular' OB patient. She has this motherly feel to the way she talks to and interacts with me. I immediately feel at ease and safe with her. Money cannot buy good doctors like her. 

We got to see the baby again today. Heart beating away, measuring right on track. Dr. D told me that I should feel "confident" in this pregnancy. She said at this point she can see no reason why this will not be our take home baby. God, I pray she is right.

I think Dan finally is starting to accept that this is really happening. I think we both are. This baby deserves all the hope, excitement and anticipation in the world - and we cannot wait to give it.